And so it is with parenting as it has been with most other things in my life. I can’t help zigging while everyone else is zagging.
Sometimes I do this unintentionally. That was the case when I had the insanity, nay the temerity, to let my children walk to school. It didn’t seem like a radical act at the time. After all I walked to school as a child. In junior high my daily walk was close to a mile. Don’t we hear about how desperately under-exercised kids are these days? Doesn’t a nice walk seem like a pleasant way to start the day? Isn’t walking to school right up there with apple pie and sunshine in the wholesomeness sweepstakes?
It seems I was mistaken.
The first time I mentioned a child of mine walking to school, ten years ago when my oldest was a first grader, people reacted as though I said ….
“Oh, she hitch hikes. Her father and I think it’s a great way to meet new people,” instead of my actual words which were “It’s good exercise, besides I’m with her all the way. We have a good time visiting with each other and getting to know the neighborhood.”
Today it’s my youngest walking a few blocks to first grade and yet the reaction is the same.
“It’s not like it was when we were kids,” the shocked party always says.
“No, it’s much safer,” I answer, because it’s true.
Ask anyone with a sense of history and they will tell you Lawton today is safer than it was in 1979. To go further back, 1979 was a peaceful paradise compared to Oklahoma of the 1920s. Even at its worst, nothing in 20th century America is comparable to the filth, crime, and disease of city life in the 1800s. Home invasions weren’t invented in the 1990s, they were rampant in the 1800s and children were stolen and sold on a daily basis. The crime in those days would make our worst modern cities look idyllic.
So why are modern people so afraid? It’s a big world, today we are more aware of the rest of the world than any time in history, and what’s more, there is money to be made by capitalizing on every sensational item to hit the news. Perhaps the issue is that people feel overwhelmed by all the information they have at their disposal and react as though every negative thing they have even heard rumors about is taking place right now in their front yard. Quick! Close the blinds! For the love of Pete, lock the **#$*& door!
But it isn’t. It’s mostly a nice world to live in on a day by day basis. At least that’s what I try to impart to my children. It’s a big complicated universe but you can get a handle on it. Trust yourself. Hey, look, your school’s not that far away. You remembered where we turn to go to the library, ain’t it cool? You want to cook supper? Excellent, if you want my help give a holler… Oh, you cut your finger? That happens. I cut myself from time to time. Let’s get you a band aid.
Fear, Frank Herbert said , is the mind killer. It’s true. Frightened people make foolish mistakes. They do things that harm not only themselves but also those around them. They listen to anyone who capitalizes on their particular fears, whether that person is selling political candidates or diet products. Run around scared long enough and it will wreck not only your decision making process but also your body. Keep the hormone cocktail of anxiety coursing through your system long enough and everything will start to fall apart.
To teach a child to be afraid of the world is to teach a child to avoid new people, places, and things. I might sound crazy but it seems like a child (or an adult) lives in a grayer, sadder world without a kaleidoscope of new and different people, places, experiences and ideas.
I would rather teach my children that they live in a manageable world and show them how to cope than give into the zeitgeist of anxiety and isolation. It’s a big beautiful life, kids, go out there and live it.
